Most of my relationships end around the fifth date mark. You are probably thonking, gee five whole dates is hardly a relationship. You’d be right. Therin lies the beauty of the super short-term 5 date love affair.
Here’s why the 5 date relationship works for me:
We never get to the point where we spill our guts and talk about our feelings. My skeletons are frightening. For the sake of all persons involved, they are better left in the closet where they belong.
I believe in love at first sight. The same chemicals are produced by your brain regardless of how well you truly know a person. Knowing someone better changes nothing; if anything, it’s more likely that we will ignore red flags before falling out of love for practical reasons.
I also don’t do the fuck buddy thing. Sexual and emotional attraction are one and the same to me. If I’m not at least tempted to tell a man to tear my clothes off by date 5, sex isn’t happening and you can’t keep kissing forever.
I like meeting new guys and getting to know them. I’ve had just the right amount of time to do that before more commitment becomes expected of me or someone gets hurt. Dating is my entertainment, but I don’t entertain myself at the expense of other people’s feelings.
As much as I value the feeling of being in love: amazing, thrilling, die for the thought of you infatuation type love…it’s scary.
I guess I’ve become what some would call a “serial dater”. The title usually comes with a negative connotation, but if the shoe fits I’ll own it and wear it. The emotionally crippled must survive somehow.
I went on a lovely date last Sunday. If a fab date is defined by an enjoyable atmosphere and good company, this was probably the best one I’ve ever been on.
ANTHONY> Artist. Art gallery owner and entrepreneur. 39 years old. Never married. 3rd generation Italian. Not unlike myself, he’s a bit of a foodie. Not unlike myself, he has liberal viewpoints about modern relationships and family. He makes his own flavored stevia that he brought with him on the date to sweeten his cocktails.
Maybe I’m just really susceptible to flattery, but I love compliments, pet names, and cutsy text messages. He calls me gorgeous and “sugar”. Before we met in person he sent me a text at 8am just to wish me a happy morning.
I appreciated that he took me out on an actual date, an expensive one at that. We had really good food and cocktails at upscale gastropub in the city.
We met up afterward at his place in the Avenues …it’s a hip place to live in Salt Lake if you own a house… the inside was decorated with really cool artwork that consisted of paintings and random industrial sculptures authored by Anthony himself. His style of artwork is very cool. It’s reminiscent of Ed Hardy. He uses a lot of skulls mixed with roses and themes that have feminine and masculine attributes. I’m not really an arty person, but I’d display some of this stuff in my own house.
He puts on some slow jazz and we start making out on his couch. He’s a perfect kisser…wait, scratch that … he’s a flawless kisser. I was genuinely and very pleasantly surprised. I analyzed every bit of that tonsil hockey and all of his moves were strategic and on point.
BUT *insert abrupt stop to whimsical cloud-9 sounding music here** …
Why was I analyzing everything he did instead of simply enjoying the moment?
Ugh, maybe because I’m just not that into him… ?
I’m just not that into him.
I don’t have anything negative to say about Anthony aside from the fact that there is something indefinable about him that just doesn’t excite me. The conversation flowed well and I think he’s an interesting enough person…
At this point, his post first date behavior is already reading to me as a bit needy and clingy. The assumption that I’m going to suddenly make time for him and inform him of my plans each subsequent weekend after only one date is a big turn off to me. Maybe he won’t go the 5 date distance after all. That’s a shame.