The Beauty of the 5 – Date Relationship

 The Beauty of the 5 – Date Relationship

Most of my relationships end around the fifth date mark. You are probably thonking, gee five whole dates is hardly a relationship. You’d be right. Therin lies the beauty of the super short-term 5 date love affair.

Here’s why the 5 date relationship works for me:

We never get to the point where we spill our guts and talk about our feelings. My skeletons are frightening. For the sake of all persons involved, they are better left in the closet where they belong.

I believe in love at first sight. The same chemicals are produced by your brain regardless of how well you truly know a person. Knowing someone better changes nothing; if anything, it’s more likely that we will ignore red flags before  falling out of love for practical reasons.

I also don’t do the fuck buddy thing. Sexual and emotional attraction are one and the same to me. If I’m not at least tempted to tell a man to tear my clothes off by date 5, sex isn’t happening and you can’t keep kissing forever. 

I like meeting new guys and getting to know them. I’ve had just the right amount of time to do that before more commitment becomes expected of me or someone gets hurt. Dating is my entertainment, but I don’t entertain myself at the expense of other people’s feelings.

As much as I value the feeling of being in love: amazing, thrilling, die for the thought of you infatuation type love…it’s scary.

I guess I’ve become what some would call a “serial dater”. The title usually comes with a negative connotation, but if the shoe fits I’ll own it and wear it. The emotionally crippled must survive somehow.

I went on a lovely date last Sunday. If a fab date is defined by an enjoyable atmosphere and good company, this was probably the best one I’ve ever been on.

ANTHONY> Artist. Art gallery owner and entrepreneur. 39 years old. Never married. 3rd generation Italian. Not unlike myself, he’s a bit of a foodie. Not unlike myself,  he has liberal viewpoints about modern relationships and family. He makes his own flavored stevia that he brought with him on the date to sweeten his cocktails.

Maybe I’m just really susceptible to flattery, but I love compliments, pet names, and cutsy text messages. He calls me gorgeous and “sugar”. Before we met in person he sent me a text at 8am just to wish me a happy morning.

I appreciated that he took me out on an actual date, an expensive one at that. We had really good food and cocktails at upscale gastropub in the city.

We met up afterward at his place in the Avenues …it’s a hip place to live in Salt Lake if you own a house… the inside was decorated with really cool artwork that  consisted of paintings and random industrial sculptures  authored by Anthony himself. His style of artwork is very cool. It’s reminiscent of Ed Hardy. He uses a lot of skulls mixed with roses and themes that have feminine and masculine attributes. I’m not really an arty person, but I’d display some of this stuff in my own house.

He puts on some slow jazz and we start making out on his couch. He’s a perfect kisser…wait, scratch that … he’s a flawless kisser. I was genuinely and very pleasantly surprised. I analyzed every bit of that tonsil hockey and all of his moves were strategic and on point.

BUT *insert abrupt stop to whimsical cloud-9 sounding music here**

Why was I analyzing everything he did instead of simply enjoying the moment?
Ugh, maybe because I’m just not that into him… ?

I’m just not that into him.

I don’t have anything negative to say about Anthony aside from the fact that there is something indefinable about him that just doesn’t excite me. The conversation flowed well and I think he’s an interesting enough person…

At this point, his post first date behavior is already reading to me as a bit needy and clingy. The assumption that I’m going to suddenly make time for him and inform him of my plans each subsequent weekend after only one date is a big turn off to me. Maybe he won’t go the 5 date distance after all. That’s a shame.

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My Thailand Photographer

My Thailand Photographer

I don’t really know where to start with this one—in many ways he’s my absolute dream come true…

CHRIS> 36 years old. Divorced. Award winning photographer, cinematographer, and independent filmmaker. Very good-looking man. He’s been shooting a documentary about human trafficking in India and Thailand. He hopes that the film will eventually be viewed at Sundance Film Festival. He’s spent years living abroad and speaks multiple languages. He’s a self-proclaimed food and culture lover.

It’s hard to come up with any complaints about Chris aside from his non-traditional views on relationships (I’ll explain later…). He’s quieter. His dating style is slow and steady. He’s a bit of a homebody at heart. I feel like his “type” of woman is the kind that wears Gucci and sips fine wine. I’m still trying to figure out why he would be interested in someone like me—not that I don’t dress up and look pretty; especially on a date, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a woman who snowboards, climbs rocks, and drinks beer.

I want to write a little bit about the documentary because this project is pretty amazing. He literally rescues women from forced prostitution. He works with a human rights organization that raids brothels where the women are raped, starved, and beaten if they refuse to work.

He has permits to film in India under false pretenses. Millions of women are trafficked every day and the government doesn’t want the rest of the world to know that it’s such a rampant problem. At one point, he was hiding from the government and the mafia. He spent his time in hiding in an Ashram learning about Tantra and Vedic religion. Anyone who knows me also knows that I’m all about this stuff too, I know quite a bit about Hindu culture for an average girl from Utah.

After reading this you’re probably thinking, wow! this guy is next level! … he is!

He’s lived in Bangkok most of the time for the last couple of years, but he came home for the month of April. He invited me to the house that he owns, which isn’t very far from where I live. We were both excited to meet each other because we had been e-mailing back and forth for months.

He made me a fancy cheese and cracker spread with a cupcake on the side. He also made me a rosemary infused cocktail complete with sprig for garnish. He infuses his own liquors with spices like sage, rosemary, and habanero.  As a food and drink lover myself, I thought this little gesture was quite sexy.

He’s sensual. I love that. I’ll repeat: I love that. It’s a rare quality in a man. He’s a good kisser! We’ve made out a lot. It’s hot. So far I’ve needed a cold shower after every date. Whew! I can tell that he actually likes me. There’s not an intense love at first sight “soul-vibe”, but something real is there. Perhaps it’s a chemistry that can be genuine and sustainable even if it takes longer to develop.

Our conversations have been easy and natural. We’re able to get appropriately personal in a short period of time conversation-wise, which I think is a good thing. We talked about his divorce. I talked a little bit about my marriage. We talked about our mutual reservations about getting remarried and how we both had fears of committing to a long-term relationship.

Here’s the kicker. We talked about ployamory. He told me that he was really leaning toward getting into this type of relationship in the future. He wanted to know if I was interested. Basically he said that dating him would involve “sharing”.

I told him that this admission didn’t necessarily deter me from dating him. I have to admit I’ve looked into the concept myself and there are some very unique reasons as to why a situation like this would actually appeal to me. There are also a few very fundamental reasons why this type of relationship may not work for me at all.

I’m going to share my thoughts about polyamory in a separate post and leave it at that for now. I’ll continue to keep you updated about my sexy Thailand photographer.

Check out the preview for the documentary Stolen Innocence at http://www.stolendocumentary.com/