Heartbreak is soul wrenching. I feel like I’ve gone temporarily insane. I can’t control my emotions. I have intrusive thoughts that feel obsessive and compulsive. I’m constantly distracted. They say that the pain of being “lovesick” feels like heroin withdrawal. While I can’t personally empathize with that feeling, I’m inclined to agree with it. I feel physically ill.
CAMERON> 34 years old. Physician recruiter. Charming, complex, ambitious, intellectually sharp, witty, articulate, adorable. First man I dated after my husband’s suicide. He had a mesmerizing stare that made my knees buckle. We had an immediate epic level connection that we both felt was exceptional and mutual. There was a quality about our association that felt almost magical.
I’ve been out of the dating game for awhile. I made some rookie mistakes and broke some of the fundamental laws of attraction. I chased him instead of laying low when I could feel him pull away. His interest in me slowly waned.
Our last conversation ended with hints toward exclusivity, but after that he just stopped making contact. I have this sinking feeling that there is someone else. This man lavishes obsessive and almost stalkeresque attention on the object of his desire (it should have creeped me out but I soaked it up like sunshine), I could go mad with jealously thinking about him pulling out all of the stops for another woman.
I just wanted to meet guys and have a good time–I still DO. BUT Cameron reawakened something in me that I thought for sure was beyond revival. It’s not the first time in my life that something major has shifted leaving an awkward gaping hole full of questions with no answers. I recall the chilling phrase …”he’s just not that into you”…
My heart is stone cold now.
Is this goodbye forever kissy face?